Real Inspiration

Post 48

Weeks of training complete: 31 weeks, 2 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 days

Miles swam: 129.131
Miles biked: 2,385.87
Miles swam: 584.67

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,500

I'm sure a few of you are familiar with the story above; that of Dick and Rick Hoyt. People ask you all the time, who are your heroes, and for me, I always have trouble with that question. Heroes? They're people like my mom, dad, wife, my coworkers, the people I know. But then I learned about Dick and Rick Hoyt - those mofos are my heros, too. Just watch the video. You'll see what I mean.

If I run into trouble on the course, I'll slow down, regain my composure, and think of them. I know I will not be the first Ironman competitor moved to go above and beyond what we think we are because of their story.

You might have noticed, too, that the donation total went up. Thanks to Liam and Mark for making donations recently to the cause. The charity only notified me today that they had gotten two donations from New Jersey. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. My goal to get to $5,000 will continue if I don't make it by the completion of the Ironman. Amid all the gloom and doom of the economy, I feel it is even more necessary for me to finish not one, but both of my goals. I said I would get to $5,000, and I will.

I could really use your help in that area. If you were planning on donating, but haven't - please consider doing so.

It's finally dawning on me - really dawning on me. This whole thing is real!

Tempe is starting to set up for the race. On Thursday, we'll have our first practice swim in the lake. I'll get my race number. I'll register. On Friday, a breakfast for charity runners like myself and then a dinner and race meeting for athletes. Saturday, bag check, bike check and set up and then, Sunday, the race!!!

Mom, grandma and the kids arrive tomorrow. Dad on Friday!

HOLY CRAP, PEOPLE! HOLY CRAP!

It's happening! Excited? Yup. Scared? Yup. Nervous? Yup.

All this training. All for this one day: 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run ... let's just hope I can, as they say, "brag for the rest of my life."

Cheers,
Ed

Race Day Approaches

Post 47

Weeks of training complete: 31 weeks, 1 day
Time remaining until Ironman: 6 days

Mile swam: 129.131
Miles biked: 2,385.67
Miles run: 584.67

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

My buddy Eric put that video on his blog and I thought it was cool, so I put it on my, too. Every time I watch it, I get all juiced up with energy and freaked out and excited. Race day is almost here.

I know that it's been an unacceptable amount of time since I posted last. But with the kids in New Jersey visiting the family, it's been nice to relax, to heal as the workout tapered and just enjoy the reduced level of responsibility.

The end of my journey - this journey anyway - is almost here. Six days from the race, I feel as ready as I'll ever be to finish the Ironman. That is my goal - if it takes me 13 and a half hours (which would be the absolute best I can expect to finish, on an absolute perfect day, given my race abilities), whether it takes me 14 hours and 15 minutes, which is probably a reasonable expectation, or whether it takes me the maximum 16 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds alotted, my goal is simply to cross that finish line alive and to be able to say: I set a goal to complete an Ironman, and I did it.

Sure, I could've done a few things better in my training. I'm human - and as the training wore down the stretch, I broke down. I broke down from lack of human connection. I broke down from the wear and tear on my body. I skipped a few workouts here and there; and some didn't go as well as planned. Sunday may be a rough day for me, and it may not. But I'll finish ... I'm confident I'll finish. But mom, dad, Heidi and friends: don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself trying. I'll be sad if I don't make it, but it won't be the end of the world.

But, honestly, I know I'm going to make it. I can just feel it. And, I'll have a pretty good day doing it. I've visualized it. I know the two big places I can get myself into trouble - pushing it too hard, too early. And not watching my race nutrition. I've got plans, though, and I've thought 'em through. I've coached myself on how to deal with the wind, the heat, the potential problems.

I've lost 32 pounds from my highest weight in 2008 (about 215) to my lowest weight measured this year (182). And my average weight loss is hanging around 29 pounds. Most days, when I get on the scale, I weigh 185. I'm happy with that. That's a big accomplishment, actually.

I think I want to do another Ironman, too. I've ridden a lot of ups and downs; but the hardest part of doing anything the first time is learning the many different phases, the moods, the peaks and valleys, having some sense of what to expect.

I'll try to write daily for the rest of the week - keep you guys up to date on what's going on as we go into the final days of preparation. I've got to go buy a few more things for my bike this evening, so I'm off to the store. I've included a few videos about the race. Hope you enjoy.


Here's a video on course details:



Hope to see you all on Sunday.

Love,
Ed

The Late Night Ramble About Which Mom Will Call Sometime Tomorrow and say, "Geez, Ed, Nice. That Was Depressing. I Don't Want to Read That."

Post: 46

Weeks of training complete: 30 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 2 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 124.451

Miles biked: 2,267.67

Miles run: 543.91

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

I've tried, numerous times over the last couple weeks and months, to make sense of the times we live in.

I understand this much: it is impossible to understand the moment you're living in while you're living in it.

There are things we recognize as important: last night's election; those horrible couple weeks on the stock market; or an event like the one coming up in less than 3 weeks for me – events and moments we tell ourselves we must remember, because they are important, because they will define our lives in some very important way.

But just because we know individual moments or days are important, we still don't know what they mean.

The latter half of 2008 has been such a bizarre, chaotic time. The highs are very high; the lows very low. It's like the world is in a very unstable cosmic shift and it's debating which end of the equilibrium to end itself on.

If that sounds too abstract, let me spell it out. My family's life mirrors the stuff you hear on the radio. The job loss; the fear about making the mortgage; the financial stress; the job search; the looming sense of uncertainty; the anger about the financial industry; the bailout; the hope that better days are ahead, but the fear that it will get much, much worse before it gets better.

But there's just no way to know.

Because we have no spending cash, Heidi and I sit at home each night and try to talk our way through this new reality, wondering what it all means for us, our family, our aching desire to stay in this place which feels like home in our the deepest part of our guts.

But there's just no way to know.

I try to think back to the way I felt after the 9/11 attacks. I remember the fear; the uncertainty. And I know we made it through that.

And I know we'll make it through this.

But what's happening now is slow, and painful, and very, very drawn out. There is no line in the sand marked "bottom," there is no clear turn-around point ... just a lot of uncertainty.

Older readers may laugh, but my generation has never really faced as silent of killer as the "deep recession." So naturally, we - and therefore, I - know not what to make of it all.

So forgive me if I seem melodramatic. All I've know are opportunities everywhere. And now the world I know is people with college degrees applying for bus driver jobs.

Talk about a quick shift in the course of 12 months.

- Ed

Change is Coming

Post 45
Weeks of training complete: 30 weeks, 1 day
Time remaining until Ironman: 2 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 124.451
Miles biked: 2,267.67
Miles run: 527.29

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

Read nothing into my headline. It's fact. Regardless of who is elected – change, of some sort, is coming. Be it, the first female vice president, or the first Black president, we are on the verge of something truly historic. Lost amid all the bickering of this election, and all the differences, is the fact that in many ways America has moved far, far away from its previous bigotries. It was less than 100 years ago that woman earned the Constitutionally protected right to vote and less than 45 years ago that we passed the Civil Rights Act.

And yet here we are. For the vast majority of Americans, the issue of whom to vote for is not dictated by whether they are voting for or against a Black man, or for or against a woman, but whether or not their beliefs and values align with one candidate or the other. That's a way of thinking in America that many, many powerful interests resisted through this nation's formative years; and a way of thinking many people gave their lives (both physically and through tireless labor) for.

Think about it - when my grandparents were just a little bit younger than me - this country was having real debates about whether or not it was okay to keep minorities out of public schools. And whether women were as intelligent as men ...

So, anyway, regardless of where you stand, change is coming, change has come, we're on the verge of a historic night. And that's pretty cool.

Just a l'il positive spin for y'all.

Well, I'm almost at the end of my journey. Less than three weeks remain.

I'm as ready as I'll be, I guess. And after all that training, all I can say is this: race day may by one of the single hardest days of my life. On Friday, I did an 88 mile ride, followed by a 5 mile run in 94 degree weather. It was grueling. I was exhausted. And all I can think is: "I have to tack a 2.4 mile swim, an additional 25 bike miles and 21 run miles on top that on race day ..."

The one thing to remember is: many, many, many endurance athletes have had been long training days only to come back and race day and knock it out of the park.

On the home front, Heidi's jobs search continues. I am not at liberty to disclose all the dealings. But I can say we are cautiously optimistic.

Mom gets here Friday. Can't wait to see her.

I'm beginning to get daily race jitters from time to time.

Exciting, exciting, exciting!

Good night,
Ed

Sorry for the Delay

Post 44

Weeks of training complete: 28 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 3 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 120.171

Miles biked: 2,166.57

Miles run: 517.41

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

It's been so long since I posted, I just wanted to get something to all y'all.

We're okay. Heidi is adjusting to staying at home with the kids. She has leads on a couple potential jobs.

I've been working through these - the most grueling weeks of training - with mixed results. My body has clearly reached its threshhold. It has told me repeatedly it is nearing its limits. I recover only to be setback badly by a pretty standard workout. That's just the way it's been.

I twisted my ankle during my long run - pretty bad. I've had to take some days off. Just to let it heal. The veins are big and bulgy and angry. It hurts when I sleep. It hurts when I sit.

I think my body has just reached the end. I'm ready. It's time to go into rest and recovery mode. One more big ride. And then it's time to let everything heal. Time to get ready by resting.

I have to follow my course of action. I know this.

Hard core endurance athletes are similar to drug users. Only the very, very, very experienced ones are capable of offering you any useful advice. The rest of them are like me - gluttons for punishment and extreme behavior wrapped up in their own personal journey.

My friend Eric - whom I really admire more and more with each passing day for his insane commitment to this art - introduced me to a web forum on whether or not Ironmen who finished over a certain time were, more or less, worthwhile. It's an absurd argument. You literally have guys suggesting that somebody who finishes an Ironman in 16 or 17 hours is somehow a worthless piece of $h!t because, seriously, in their own words "any one can do it."

Yes, a-holes work their way into any sport.

And, as I said to Eric, I imagine most people who have trained for an Ironman have to l with similar things that we have - families who need or attention, injury, personal loss, job loss, economic troubles, death, accidents ... god who knows what people live through through this eight or nine month commitment to train for an event like this.

Sorry to bring this issue into this very brief posting ... I just want you to know we're all okay. We're making do. And, most importantly, our home is filled with lots of happiness and love and laughter, just as it always is and has been.

There's so much I want to share with you. In many ways, in the past two weeks, we have slowed our lives down and discovered, I think, more of each other - Heidi and I, and Heidi and I and the kids. It's been nice.

We are blessed.

And Ironman is three weeks and four days away.

And mark my words, people, I'm gonna' finish that mofo.

I know it.

Love,

Ed

And Just Who, Again, Are You?

Post 43
Weeks of training complete: 27 weeks, 2 days
Time until Ironman: 4 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 115.953
Miles biked: 2,028.07
Miles run: 489.2

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

There are many days - hell, many moments within these seemingly endless streak of endless days – where I stop and say: Who are you? Who or what is this shell I inhabit? Who, or what, is running this ship? And where is it that we're going, yet again, at 5 a.m. or 9 p.m., when the children are asleep and my wife is home, alone, again – pondering her own constant disassembly and reassembly of her inner self?

If you had told me at the start of the Ironman that nearly 28 weeks into training, I would have less sense of who I was than the day I started, there's no way I would have believed you.

I have been many things in life. I have been a trusted friend, a notorious partier, a hard worker, a great lover of people and things and life, but I have never met, never knew, this Ed. This Ed who thinks that 2 miles of swimming, 25 miles of biking and 9 miles of running on a Tuesday evening/afternoon just isn't enough. "You're going to fail, Ed. You're going to let people down, Ed. You need to train faster, harder, longer, more. Why do they have a taper period? Maybe you should just train hard until race day. Make sure you're ready."

But it's more than that. It's something beyond the training. It's the reality that I don't know what I will do with myself when this is all over. What would you do if someone handed you 25 hours a week of your life back - and you were still gainfully employed? What did I do before this? What did I do with that time?

Maybe I should set the backdrop for this deep level of pondering ...

Heidi lost her job last week. I guess we found out on Thursday. Her last day will be this Friday. Heidi already has good leads on several job opportunities - and that is a real positive. But we have to plan for the worst and this, of course, means doing some of the things I'm previously mentioned, like considering selling the house. It also means cutting back on all the "luxuries" – the daily paper, the gym membership, cable, beer.

I don't believe that Heidi and I have ever lost a job. And so we're learning about how much our jobs identify us; how much they become a part of the persona we create for ourselves in our mind. When you lose a job, you lose a part of yourself. And now, of course, where there was stability, there is a great sense of uncertainty.

Heidi and I are smart; and we both know that we'll work through this whole thing like we always do - as a team. But there have already been a few small spats over money. And that is something we've been very fortunate to have avoided through most of our 12 years together.

In fact, it seems, that in this crazy year that 2008 has become, the only constant in my life is this Ironman. Swimming, biking, running - through heat and cold, through good news and bad news, through sick kids and happy kids, through family fights and make-ups, through Barack and McCain and Palin and Biden, through stimulus packages, soaring Dows, and sinking Nasdaqs, there has been just me and the water, and the road, and the pavement, and lots and lots and lots of miles.

That's a lot of hours of solitude, a lot of hours with just me talking to me, trying to make sense of a lot of things that don't make much sense.

Maybe the reason I can't quite identify with myself is because I've never spent this much time with myself - at least as an adult.

What I am learning? That I am confused? Sure. That I am scared ... a lot? Yes. That I love my family and my children; that without them I would feel like an empty hole? Yup, I think that's why I'm scared. That I need my friends? Yeah, somehow they seem more important than ever ...

The difference, I guess, is these feelings are all very raw right now. They're no longer packaged up in the right places - ready to be opened up for the proper causes: birthday cards, drunken holiday parties ... Nah, they're there, right there. Right on the surface. For everyone to know and see.

Here I am. Weak. Blemished. Like the skin.

Maybe that's what this year is all about for me. I have been broken down. The imagined might of my family (we're smart, invincible, we'll survive any crisis) has been broken down; my body has been broken down by the constant pounding of the pavement; my mind broken down by the monotony of another endless day of laps and miles and by the challenges of every day life.

You think this is a negative? You think I feel bad about this?

Quite the contrary.

And that is either the strangest – or the most logical – feeling of all.

Peace and love,
Ed

Keep on Moving ...

Post 42
Weeks of training complete: 26 weeks, 3 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 113.955
Miles biked: 1,926.62
Miles run: 461.77

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

The Dow dropped 7.7 percent today. I sprung for some good beer - Newcastle and Sierra Nevada. And I paid full price - at a convienience store. Call it an act of economic rebellion. Recessionary pressures, be damned. I'm goin' out and droppin' $16 on two six-packs. Take that you silly old 1.2 percent drop in consumer spending.

And, I'm drinkin' them like a 2006 American hell bent on spending 101.6 percent of their income, ensuring that their net savings is -1.6 percent.

I'm kickin' it old school today and there's nothing Suze Orman and her practical "have eight months of income saved" mantra can do about it.

The only thing I'm missing is an H2 Hummer, a $750 pair of jeans and a $12 martini. Alas, we can't have everything.

Today I biked. Today I swam. Today I played video games while I biked. I'm stuck with the 2005 version of ESPN 2K football, so instead of just being bad, the Cardinals really suck in that game. I played New England today and 40 percent of my passes were intercepted. It's kind of hard to win that way.

I'm actually starting to get back on track with most aspects of my life. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed - pretty amazing considering I'm right in the middle of the most intense training period of the Ironman race prep. This week, I'll work out 20 hours, next week 20 hours, 30 minutes and the following week 21 hours. Then, the taper down begins.

I'll be so glad when this race is over. What will it be like to have 20 hours of free time returned to me life?

I'm gonna' feel like a rich man ... far richer than two $8 six-packs will make a man feel.

- Ed