A feeling of calm

Post #: 8
Weeks of training complete: 12 weeks, 3 days
Time until Ironman: 19 weeks, 4 days
Miles swam: 42.464
Miles biked: 582.18
Miles run: 171.06

Goal: $5,000
Total money raised: $270

We are, by our very nature, a fairly unstable creature. We are often uneasy, unnerved by either our past, or what lies ahead. We often crave things: whether they be material, or emotional. We want more financial stability, relationship stability or job security, job satisfaction or that really cool Blu-Ray DVD gizmo with the 52x scan 1080p performance. We want more people to think like we do. We want peace. And lower gas prices. And more vacation time. And a little less responsibility. And once, just once, to feel like we were 18 again. Or, if not all of those, we want some of them. Or something else entirely. There are very few of us who are comfortable to just be. To just be satisfied with what we have. To be satisfied with life, and air, and breath, and the moment, and our children, and our friends. Or a really good TV show and a cold beer.

Some days, though, I hit it. I find that place where I am in the moment - where there is uncertainty swirling all around me: friends in chaos, a world in chaos, a life stressed for time and yet still, I find that place. That place where all of that can exist around me but I find that emotional center.

It's very peaceful. I found it today.

Don't know why. I just found it.

It's not like I'm swimming in good news - nothing particularly wonderful happened. There are very real stresses in mine, and my family's life: friends and family problems; worries about the economy; time constraints - all the things many of you are probably dealing with. But suddenly, today, as is wont to happen from time to time: it really all punched me in the gut at once. I feel blessed, happy - my wife and children are beautiful. I feel fantastic health wise. My kid tried really hard to poop in the potty. Life, despite all its stresses, is good.

Six or seven years ago, I could never have hit that place. And I think the slow introduction of regular exercise into my life is what started to change that.

Seven years ago, I was a heavy drinker and a heavy smoker. A pack of cigs a day and six or more drinks was a common theme. I was gaining a lot of weight. My face was puffy and swollen. I covered politics for a daily newspaper. It was eight or nine hours of cynicism on the job washed away with drink and smoke. I knew it wasn't the direction I wanted my life to go - but those habits are hard to change. All of my free time lost in sleep and impairment. In retrospect, it really was that bad.

But at some point, I started running. Sometimes, I'd run once and then not get around to it for a few weeks again. And many times, I'd try to quit smoking. I might only make it a day, or two - and the fear of failing again might make it months before I tried again, but eventually each stint of running lasted a little longer and each attempt at quitting smoking did the same. And when I did fail - or when I did stop running - the lapse between making a new quitting attempt, or exercising again got shorter.

I signed up for a marathon - drinking and smoking the entire time - but I finished the race. And the next time I did it, I smoked and drank just a little less, and so on and so on and so on.

The one thing that never changed is that I always had a goal for myself. I know this sounds so cheesy - but it's true, and I want to be honest. There was this Ivory soap commercial with this fit, healthy looking dad playing with his happy son. I always envisioned myself as that dad - that's who I wanted to be. The healthy, fit dad who set a good example for his children. And I never lost sight of that, and slowly, slowly, slowly that constant vision drove me to where I am today. I still have work to do, but I'm closer to my goal than ever.

Conversely, I have a new goal. I want to be in that place I was in today more frequently. I want to live in the moment. But beyond that, I want to help the people I care about find that place. Help them understand that we can be concerned and work to change the world, but that we don't have to let it jeopardize our own happiness, or that of our families. In fact, I think we can only positively change the world or the people around us when we find a certain peace and confidence in ourselves.

It may sound a little hippie-ish, I know. But we live in a world with a lot of hate, and a lot of conflict - red vs. blue, us vs. them. We live in a world where people have been whipped into a frenzy, fearful and loathing of people they don't even know, don't understand. People who expend so much energy on this fear and hate forget to expend the necessary energy on their friends and family. I know. I put that energy into alcohol and tobacco and an arrogant sense that "I was right. And they were wrong."

There was no pathway to peace or happiness there.

I'm merely thankful I had friends and family and a little bit of coincidence, perhaps, that showed me a different way.

I should add that part of what got me thinking about this was some of the work I do with Tempe Community Action. Working in the non-profit world, I know, takes a certain kind of person; you are exposed daily to people who face many challenges, and yet every day you must approach your work with an optimism. You can't take the reality of what you face home; and yet you must process it properly at work - interacting with the people you help daily in a way that is encouraging and hopeful and proper. It's no easy task.

For those of you who don't know, the work that the people at Tempe Community Action Agency do is nothing short of Herculean. They provide tens of thousands of meals to senior citizens, they help feed those who are hungry, they see to it that children get the health care they need; they help families facing job layoffs keep their electric running; they educate people about being good parents and managing a budget. It is truly incredible.

Please, as you keep reading this blog - think about what you have. Think about what you spend. And ask yourself if you can spare $10, $20 or $50. The folks at TCAA are so good at managing money and brokering deals that they can turn that $20 you might spend on a couple drinks this Friday and turn it into $80 worth of food - enough to feed a family for up to a week. For Arizona residents, the entire donation is eligible to be refunded as a tax credit.

With food and gas costs soaring and more and more people being pushed to the financial brink, there is real need out there. Please think about it.

If you decide to donate, please do so here - and let me know at ebaker@ecollegetimes.com, so we can add it to the total/goal figures.

I hope you're all well.

Chat soon,
Ed