I'm dreaming of a rainy Christmas ...

A few more videos. First, Beck on clothing as a Christmas gift:

And finally - just a scene of the neighborhood - and how rainy and gray it's been today. It's been raining and cloudy going on almost two weeks here in Phoenix. Very strange for these parts. In 14 years, I've never seen it rain so much.

Christmas Time!

Some (low light) sights and sounds from this morning at the Baker/Heister household:

First view of Santa's arrival

First gift:

Brody stocking her new kitchen

Beck discovering his new airplane

Holy moly! Wall-E!

A Reflective ...

I haven't had a chance to write since the big day. It's been a long period of recovery. Lots of thoughts have been going through my mind as I've tried to sort out just what the whole Ironman experience has meant.

My body has hurt since the race. More fit Ironmen certainly experience a faster recovery, but I am not one of them.

My feet hurt when I wake. I feel like an old man with arthirtis for the first 10 minutes or so of the day. And I have slept - a lot. I've slept a minimum of 9 hours a night, often 10, every night since November 23. There is something to be said for putting the human body through such a grueling task - especially for a person like me.

I am not the healthiest Ironman. I didn't follow the rules. I turned down the opportunity to party and have a few beers many times, but not every time. I ate Mexican food when I wanted to. And enjoyed more than a few sifters of bourbon with my good friend Rob.

I wouldn't have had it any other way.

There was something in me this whole time; something that wanted to prove that the everyman could do an Ironman. That there's was - to borrow a tired cliche - more than one way to skin a cat. I abhor absolutes. And the Ironman culture is one filled with absolutes. Ironman triathletes, from my experience, are incredibly positive people. But they are also people that abide by a strict set of rules. And to me, that sort of defies the whole purpose of life. It takes the spontaneous aspect of our existence and throws it away. Boring way to live if you ask me.

In retrospect, though, I am incredibly grateful for this experience. It came at exactly the right time. On the back end of this nine months, I am, in many ways, far more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. My ego has been altered, replaced by a new sense of my frailty, of our frailty.

Through these past nine months, I - and my family - have endured a sense of financial hardships, a layoff, the tough economy, and a newfound sense of the thin balance beam that provides a path forward or a precipitous drop off the edge. Without Ironman, and this training, I think I would have fallen off. Because of it, I moved forward, toward that safer, solid ground which exists somewhere in the distance.

There's no way I could have known this when I started. No way I could have known about the connections I have, and the friends I have forgotten and remembered. People who came out of the woodwork and offered support and donations when I dwelled in the darkest spots of this journey.

I am more humble now. I am a better father now. And I think - though Heidi may beg to differ - a better husband now. I understand, more clearly, the sacrifice we make to be great parents to our children. But more importantly, I not only embrace that sacrifice, but eagerly embrace it. My priorities have been set straight - at least for this leg in the journey of life. And none of these insights would have possible without this test.

Like most things, these ideas and thoughts are fleeting. They are a truth the moment I type them - to be integrated into my total package, my total thoughts, my total story. But like any good legal document with a set expiration date, they are subject to change.

This blog, as it turns out, will not end with this post. There's more - video of the race, and some thoughts on the actual race - that I wish to post. But beyond that, I sort of enjoy the regular communication with all of you. So keep tuning in.

As it turns out, I may be an Ironman. But in many ways I am still more like aluminum, less like iron.

I mean, I human for chrissakes ...

- Ed

YES!

I AM IRONMAN!

14 hours, 20 minutes until race time

First off, you can track my progress here tomorrow:

http://ironman.com/events/ironman/arizona?show=tracker&year=2009

Enter my race number: 111 ... and you'll know exactly how I'm doing. The site takes a while to update; like an hour or so after I cross through each scanner. But for those of you not here in Tempe, that's where you can follow along.

For those of you that will be here: Kelli and Heidi will have a tent sent up near the center of Tempe Beach Park; look for the tent with the Team Jelinek/Baker banner and the Team Jelinek/Baker green shirts.

The race starts at 7 a.m. Eric believes he'll begin the bike around 8 a.m. and the run around 2 p.m.; I think I'll begin the bike at about 8:30 a.m. and the run about 3:40 p.m. Eric estimates 6-7 p.m. as his finish time. I estimae 8:30-9:30 as my finish time. It could be as early as 8 p.m. or as late as 10 p.m., though.

The time is almost here. In a few minutes, dinner. Then put the kids to bed. Then off to bed myself. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

Here's my bike and run stuff laid out before being packed up and given to the race crew. You get your bike bag after you finish the swim; and your run bag after you finish the bike. Then you go into a changing tent and change.

Here's me checking in the bike today.

This will be last post. With the next post, I'll have either finished or failed - there will be no in between. And chances are, I won't have the strength to post tomorrow night; so check that web site.

Until we speak again - Ed

57 Hours Until Race Time

It's official. It's all begun. Today was the test swim in Tempe Town Lake. Eric, my buddy who is has already completed an Ironman, and is doing this one, too, went with me for the "test swim" in Tempe Town Lake. Water temperature: 61 degrees. I wore a wet suit. It was still a little cold - my wet suit is sleeveless. But not too bad. I kind of like the cold and, honestly, the water felt good. It's hard not to be all crazy excited and just spaz out. My stomach has been in knots the last couple days. I feel like I'm on an extended caffeine high. That's not necessarily a good feeling. Here's a pic of me in the wet suit, just before jumping in.

Then it was off to fill out some necessary "If you die, neither you nor your family will sue us for your stupidity." You're also required to join USA Tri, which is the official governing body of US triathlons. We forgot to get pictures of that, so we went back and made fake "pipe" poses.

Then it was time for some "future visualization." This is the arrow that marks the final turn, about .5 miles from the completion of the 140.6 mile race. I can only imagine the glory I will feel should I reach this point.

And finally, a mock "you caught me usin' the John" shot. 'Cuz what set of pictures is complete without one of those, eh?

4 days to go

This is what introduced most people in the world Ironman. This crazy-ass broadcast of Julie Moss collapsing in 1982.

I hope this isn't me. :-)

That's all for tonight. Excitement building!

- Ed

Real Inspiration

Post 48

Weeks of training complete: 31 weeks, 2 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 days

Miles swam: 129.131
Miles biked: 2,385.87
Miles swam: 584.67

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,500

I'm sure a few of you are familiar with the story above; that of Dick and Rick Hoyt. People ask you all the time, who are your heroes, and for me, I always have trouble with that question. Heroes? They're people like my mom, dad, wife, my coworkers, the people I know. But then I learned about Dick and Rick Hoyt - those mofos are my heros, too. Just watch the video. You'll see what I mean.

If I run into trouble on the course, I'll slow down, regain my composure, and think of them. I know I will not be the first Ironman competitor moved to go above and beyond what we think we are because of their story.

You might have noticed, too, that the donation total went up. Thanks to Liam and Mark for making donations recently to the cause. The charity only notified me today that they had gotten two donations from New Jersey. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. My goal to get to $5,000 will continue if I don't make it by the completion of the Ironman. Amid all the gloom and doom of the economy, I feel it is even more necessary for me to finish not one, but both of my goals. I said I would get to $5,000, and I will.

I could really use your help in that area. If you were planning on donating, but haven't - please consider doing so.

It's finally dawning on me - really dawning on me. This whole thing is real!

Tempe is starting to set up for the race. On Thursday, we'll have our first practice swim in the lake. I'll get my race number. I'll register. On Friday, a breakfast for charity runners like myself and then a dinner and race meeting for athletes. Saturday, bag check, bike check and set up and then, Sunday, the race!!!

Mom, grandma and the kids arrive tomorrow. Dad on Friday!

HOLY CRAP, PEOPLE! HOLY CRAP!

It's happening! Excited? Yup. Scared? Yup. Nervous? Yup.

All this training. All for this one day: 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run ... let's just hope I can, as they say, "brag for the rest of my life."

Cheers,
Ed

Race Day Approaches

Post 47

Weeks of training complete: 31 weeks, 1 day
Time remaining until Ironman: 6 days

Mile swam: 129.131
Miles biked: 2,385.67
Miles run: 584.67

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

My buddy Eric put that video on his blog and I thought it was cool, so I put it on my, too. Every time I watch it, I get all juiced up with energy and freaked out and excited. Race day is almost here.

I know that it's been an unacceptable amount of time since I posted last. But with the kids in New Jersey visiting the family, it's been nice to relax, to heal as the workout tapered and just enjoy the reduced level of responsibility.

The end of my journey - this journey anyway - is almost here. Six days from the race, I feel as ready as I'll ever be to finish the Ironman. That is my goal - if it takes me 13 and a half hours (which would be the absolute best I can expect to finish, on an absolute perfect day, given my race abilities), whether it takes me 14 hours and 15 minutes, which is probably a reasonable expectation, or whether it takes me the maximum 16 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds alotted, my goal is simply to cross that finish line alive and to be able to say: I set a goal to complete an Ironman, and I did it.

Sure, I could've done a few things better in my training. I'm human - and as the training wore down the stretch, I broke down. I broke down from lack of human connection. I broke down from the wear and tear on my body. I skipped a few workouts here and there; and some didn't go as well as planned. Sunday may be a rough day for me, and it may not. But I'll finish ... I'm confident I'll finish. But mom, dad, Heidi and friends: don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself trying. I'll be sad if I don't make it, but it won't be the end of the world.

But, honestly, I know I'm going to make it. I can just feel it. And, I'll have a pretty good day doing it. I've visualized it. I know the two big places I can get myself into trouble - pushing it too hard, too early. And not watching my race nutrition. I've got plans, though, and I've thought 'em through. I've coached myself on how to deal with the wind, the heat, the potential problems.

I've lost 32 pounds from my highest weight in 2008 (about 215) to my lowest weight measured this year (182). And my average weight loss is hanging around 29 pounds. Most days, when I get on the scale, I weigh 185. I'm happy with that. That's a big accomplishment, actually.

I think I want to do another Ironman, too. I've ridden a lot of ups and downs; but the hardest part of doing anything the first time is learning the many different phases, the moods, the peaks and valleys, having some sense of what to expect.

I'll try to write daily for the rest of the week - keep you guys up to date on what's going on as we go into the final days of preparation. I've got to go buy a few more things for my bike this evening, so I'm off to the store. I've included a few videos about the race. Hope you enjoy.


Here's a video on course details:



Hope to see you all on Sunday.

Love,
Ed

The Late Night Ramble About Which Mom Will Call Sometime Tomorrow and say, "Geez, Ed, Nice. That Was Depressing. I Don't Want to Read That."

Post: 46

Weeks of training complete: 30 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 2 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 124.451

Miles biked: 2,267.67

Miles run: 543.91

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

I've tried, numerous times over the last couple weeks and months, to make sense of the times we live in.

I understand this much: it is impossible to understand the moment you're living in while you're living in it.

There are things we recognize as important: last night's election; those horrible couple weeks on the stock market; or an event like the one coming up in less than 3 weeks for me – events and moments we tell ourselves we must remember, because they are important, because they will define our lives in some very important way.

But just because we know individual moments or days are important, we still don't know what they mean.

The latter half of 2008 has been such a bizarre, chaotic time. The highs are very high; the lows very low. It's like the world is in a very unstable cosmic shift and it's debating which end of the equilibrium to end itself on.

If that sounds too abstract, let me spell it out. My family's life mirrors the stuff you hear on the radio. The job loss; the fear about making the mortgage; the financial stress; the job search; the looming sense of uncertainty; the anger about the financial industry; the bailout; the hope that better days are ahead, but the fear that it will get much, much worse before it gets better.

But there's just no way to know.

Because we have no spending cash, Heidi and I sit at home each night and try to talk our way through this new reality, wondering what it all means for us, our family, our aching desire to stay in this place which feels like home in our the deepest part of our guts.

But there's just no way to know.

I try to think back to the way I felt after the 9/11 attacks. I remember the fear; the uncertainty. And I know we made it through that.

And I know we'll make it through this.

But what's happening now is slow, and painful, and very, very drawn out. There is no line in the sand marked "bottom," there is no clear turn-around point ... just a lot of uncertainty.

Older readers may laugh, but my generation has never really faced as silent of killer as the "deep recession." So naturally, we - and therefore, I - know not what to make of it all.

So forgive me if I seem melodramatic. All I've know are opportunities everywhere. And now the world I know is people with college degrees applying for bus driver jobs.

Talk about a quick shift in the course of 12 months.

- Ed

Change is Coming

Post 45
Weeks of training complete: 30 weeks, 1 day
Time remaining until Ironman: 2 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 124.451
Miles biked: 2,267.67
Miles run: 527.29

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

Read nothing into my headline. It's fact. Regardless of who is elected – change, of some sort, is coming. Be it, the first female vice president, or the first Black president, we are on the verge of something truly historic. Lost amid all the bickering of this election, and all the differences, is the fact that in many ways America has moved far, far away from its previous bigotries. It was less than 100 years ago that woman earned the Constitutionally protected right to vote and less than 45 years ago that we passed the Civil Rights Act.

And yet here we are. For the vast majority of Americans, the issue of whom to vote for is not dictated by whether they are voting for or against a Black man, or for or against a woman, but whether or not their beliefs and values align with one candidate or the other. That's a way of thinking in America that many, many powerful interests resisted through this nation's formative years; and a way of thinking many people gave their lives (both physically and through tireless labor) for.

Think about it - when my grandparents were just a little bit younger than me - this country was having real debates about whether or not it was okay to keep minorities out of public schools. And whether women were as intelligent as men ...

So, anyway, regardless of where you stand, change is coming, change has come, we're on the verge of a historic night. And that's pretty cool.

Just a l'il positive spin for y'all.

Well, I'm almost at the end of my journey. Less than three weeks remain.

I'm as ready as I'll be, I guess. And after all that training, all I can say is this: race day may by one of the single hardest days of my life. On Friday, I did an 88 mile ride, followed by a 5 mile run in 94 degree weather. It was grueling. I was exhausted. And all I can think is: "I have to tack a 2.4 mile swim, an additional 25 bike miles and 21 run miles on top that on race day ..."

The one thing to remember is: many, many, many endurance athletes have had been long training days only to come back and race day and knock it out of the park.

On the home front, Heidi's jobs search continues. I am not at liberty to disclose all the dealings. But I can say we are cautiously optimistic.

Mom gets here Friday. Can't wait to see her.

I'm beginning to get daily race jitters from time to time.

Exciting, exciting, exciting!

Good night,
Ed

Sorry for the Delay

Post 44

Weeks of training complete: 28 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 3 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 120.171

Miles biked: 2,166.57

Miles run: 517.41

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

It's been so long since I posted, I just wanted to get something to all y'all.

We're okay. Heidi is adjusting to staying at home with the kids. She has leads on a couple potential jobs.

I've been working through these - the most grueling weeks of training - with mixed results. My body has clearly reached its threshhold. It has told me repeatedly it is nearing its limits. I recover only to be setback badly by a pretty standard workout. That's just the way it's been.

I twisted my ankle during my long run - pretty bad. I've had to take some days off. Just to let it heal. The veins are big and bulgy and angry. It hurts when I sleep. It hurts when I sit.

I think my body has just reached the end. I'm ready. It's time to go into rest and recovery mode. One more big ride. And then it's time to let everything heal. Time to get ready by resting.

I have to follow my course of action. I know this.

Hard core endurance athletes are similar to drug users. Only the very, very, very experienced ones are capable of offering you any useful advice. The rest of them are like me - gluttons for punishment and extreme behavior wrapped up in their own personal journey.

My friend Eric - whom I really admire more and more with each passing day for his insane commitment to this art - introduced me to a web forum on whether or not Ironmen who finished over a certain time were, more or less, worthwhile. It's an absurd argument. You literally have guys suggesting that somebody who finishes an Ironman in 16 or 17 hours is somehow a worthless piece of $h!t because, seriously, in their own words "any one can do it."

Yes, a-holes work their way into any sport.

And, as I said to Eric, I imagine most people who have trained for an Ironman have to l with similar things that we have - families who need or attention, injury, personal loss, job loss, economic troubles, death, accidents ... god who knows what people live through through this eight or nine month commitment to train for an event like this.

Sorry to bring this issue into this very brief posting ... I just want you to know we're all okay. We're making do. And, most importantly, our home is filled with lots of happiness and love and laughter, just as it always is and has been.

There's so much I want to share with you. In many ways, in the past two weeks, we have slowed our lives down and discovered, I think, more of each other - Heidi and I, and Heidi and I and the kids. It's been nice.

We are blessed.

And Ironman is three weeks and four days away.

And mark my words, people, I'm gonna' finish that mofo.

I know it.

Love,

Ed

And Just Who, Again, Are You?

Post 43
Weeks of training complete: 27 weeks, 2 days
Time until Ironman: 4 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 115.953
Miles biked: 2,028.07
Miles run: 489.2

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

There are many days - hell, many moments within these seemingly endless streak of endless days – where I stop and say: Who are you? Who or what is this shell I inhabit? Who, or what, is running this ship? And where is it that we're going, yet again, at 5 a.m. or 9 p.m., when the children are asleep and my wife is home, alone, again – pondering her own constant disassembly and reassembly of her inner self?

If you had told me at the start of the Ironman that nearly 28 weeks into training, I would have less sense of who I was than the day I started, there's no way I would have believed you.

I have been many things in life. I have been a trusted friend, a notorious partier, a hard worker, a great lover of people and things and life, but I have never met, never knew, this Ed. This Ed who thinks that 2 miles of swimming, 25 miles of biking and 9 miles of running on a Tuesday evening/afternoon just isn't enough. "You're going to fail, Ed. You're going to let people down, Ed. You need to train faster, harder, longer, more. Why do they have a taper period? Maybe you should just train hard until race day. Make sure you're ready."

But it's more than that. It's something beyond the training. It's the reality that I don't know what I will do with myself when this is all over. What would you do if someone handed you 25 hours a week of your life back - and you were still gainfully employed? What did I do before this? What did I do with that time?

Maybe I should set the backdrop for this deep level of pondering ...

Heidi lost her job last week. I guess we found out on Thursday. Her last day will be this Friday. Heidi already has good leads on several job opportunities - and that is a real positive. But we have to plan for the worst and this, of course, means doing some of the things I'm previously mentioned, like considering selling the house. It also means cutting back on all the "luxuries" – the daily paper, the gym membership, cable, beer.

I don't believe that Heidi and I have ever lost a job. And so we're learning about how much our jobs identify us; how much they become a part of the persona we create for ourselves in our mind. When you lose a job, you lose a part of yourself. And now, of course, where there was stability, there is a great sense of uncertainty.

Heidi and I are smart; and we both know that we'll work through this whole thing like we always do - as a team. But there have already been a few small spats over money. And that is something we've been very fortunate to have avoided through most of our 12 years together.

In fact, it seems, that in this crazy year that 2008 has become, the only constant in my life is this Ironman. Swimming, biking, running - through heat and cold, through good news and bad news, through sick kids and happy kids, through family fights and make-ups, through Barack and McCain and Palin and Biden, through stimulus packages, soaring Dows, and sinking Nasdaqs, there has been just me and the water, and the road, and the pavement, and lots and lots and lots of miles.

That's a lot of hours of solitude, a lot of hours with just me talking to me, trying to make sense of a lot of things that don't make much sense.

Maybe the reason I can't quite identify with myself is because I've never spent this much time with myself - at least as an adult.

What I am learning? That I am confused? Sure. That I am scared ... a lot? Yes. That I love my family and my children; that without them I would feel like an empty hole? Yup, I think that's why I'm scared. That I need my friends? Yeah, somehow they seem more important than ever ...

The difference, I guess, is these feelings are all very raw right now. They're no longer packaged up in the right places - ready to be opened up for the proper causes: birthday cards, drunken holiday parties ... Nah, they're there, right there. Right on the surface. For everyone to know and see.

Here I am. Weak. Blemished. Like the skin.

Maybe that's what this year is all about for me. I have been broken down. The imagined might of my family (we're smart, invincible, we'll survive any crisis) has been broken down; my body has been broken down by the constant pounding of the pavement; my mind broken down by the monotony of another endless day of laps and miles and by the challenges of every day life.

You think this is a negative? You think I feel bad about this?

Quite the contrary.

And that is either the strangest – or the most logical – feeling of all.

Peace and love,
Ed

Keep on Moving ...

Post 42
Weeks of training complete: 26 weeks, 3 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 113.955
Miles biked: 1,926.62
Miles run: 461.77

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

The Dow dropped 7.7 percent today. I sprung for some good beer - Newcastle and Sierra Nevada. And I paid full price - at a convienience store. Call it an act of economic rebellion. Recessionary pressures, be damned. I'm goin' out and droppin' $16 on two six-packs. Take that you silly old 1.2 percent drop in consumer spending.

And, I'm drinkin' them like a 2006 American hell bent on spending 101.6 percent of their income, ensuring that their net savings is -1.6 percent.

I'm kickin' it old school today and there's nothing Suze Orman and her practical "have eight months of income saved" mantra can do about it.

The only thing I'm missing is an H2 Hummer, a $750 pair of jeans and a $12 martini. Alas, we can't have everything.

Today I biked. Today I swam. Today I played video games while I biked. I'm stuck with the 2005 version of ESPN 2K football, so instead of just being bad, the Cardinals really suck in that game. I played New England today and 40 percent of my passes were intercepted. It's kind of hard to win that way.

I'm actually starting to get back on track with most aspects of my life. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed - pretty amazing considering I'm right in the middle of the most intense training period of the Ironman race prep. This week, I'll work out 20 hours, next week 20 hours, 30 minutes and the following week 21 hours. Then, the taper down begins.

I'll be so glad when this race is over. What will it be like to have 20 hours of free time returned to me life?

I'm gonna' feel like a rich man ... far richer than two $8 six-packs will make a man feel.

- Ed

Mind the Gap

Post 41
Weeks of training complete: 26 weeks, 2 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 111.957
Miles biked: 1,904.06
Miles run: 461.77

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

There's not a lot new to report from the home front. As you can tell by the totals, the training sessions have been long and furious.

After some intense workouts to start the weekend, I spent some very nice low-key time with the family. The temps have been in the 70s for highs the past few days and into the high 40s at night - a very, very welcome respite.

On Saturday, Beck, Heidi, Brody and I went to Dreamy Draw - a mountain preserve in north-central Phoenix and went for a hike. We played with rocks, went into a tunnel and basically just enjoyed a beautiful fall day in the desert. Beck and I also went to Gameworks.

On Sunday, we spent the afternoon with my sister. During the day, we worked on getting together stuff for our Halloween costumes. I know what I'm going to be - and it's awesome.

I'm gonna leave it at that, so I can go relax now. Enjoy the video up above. It was from our trip up north a couple weeks ago.

Cheers,
Ed

Turning the Corner

Post 40
Weeks of training complete: 25 weeks, 4 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 6 weeks, 3 days

Miles swam: 109.962
Miles biked: 1,798.84
Miles run: 434.8

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

Tonight, something happened. You hear a lot of athletes talk about digging deeper, about finding that special spot somewhere within them, when they need that extra push, when they're driving for the finish line; when the score is tied 17-17 in the overtime session of a playoff game, somewhere from deep within they are moved to excel. It is a move that defies the logic of bodily chemistry, of nutrition, of what should be humanly possible. I'm beginning to understand that.

Tonight, I dug deep. And I found something, a few things actually. And in the process, I believe, I've turned that final corner. As the annoucner in the Kentucky Derby would say: " ... and down the stretch they come!"

This week, obviously, has been one filled with challenges. Brody's sickness, high fever and constant painful moaning lasted four days and did not abate until yesterday evening (she is fine now); Heidi survived another round of layoffs (this time 40 percent of the coporate workforce). We were busy, tired, kept up the baby, fearful of our future and trying, trying to keep it all together – with work, with home, with life.

This time, I drew on my experience of all the other tough times we had had. Keep as positive as you can; keep as kind as you can, and whatever you do ... keep making the right decisions. This was my mantra - as my friend Eric would say.

So no matter what it took, I stuck to my workout. Tuesday, after all the kids were bed and the chores caught up, I biked and ran, finishing around 10 p.m.; Wednesday, I biked 22.5 miles in the trainer, sitting upright, rocking Brody back and forth in the stroller with my left arm; then swam late night at Tempe's Kiwanis Rec Center; today, I swam after work and ran from 8 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. It was during that run that I realized the reward of these decisions to do the right thing.

The clouds in my mind broke, and suddently I could see what this was all about, this Ironman: it's about elevating yourself to new levels; realizing that the limitations you perceive are mostly limitations set by you. It's about learning just how much potential we have.

My buddy Eric, who has completed one of these is much more sage in his advice. He's been through the roller coaster ride of the rookie. I imagine his journey this time is different than the first.

I've also decided to let go on the media cycle for a while. I'll pay attention, I don't do full blackouts, but worrying every day about what the Wall Street freak shows are going to do is counterproductive right now. These people are out of their minds and as the Dow continues to sink, it's become clear that the selling has nothing to do with the strength of the companies being sold anymore. Like I say, for how small traders are supposed to be, they sure behave in a herd mentality. Sanity will return, because at some point these fools will realize they sold too low. But that's neither here nor there. I cannot control the economy as a whole; only the economies of my family and my company within the current reality. So, I'll focus on that.

Thank you to all of you who wrote in the last couple days to offer support. It made a big difference.

Best,
Ed

The Beginning of the Beginning

Post 39
Weeks of training complete: 25 weeks, 1 day
Time until Ironman: 6 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 105.986
Miles biked: 1,763.96
Miles run: 422.68

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

I know that it has been a long time since I've written in any great detail. The scope of events that has taken place in the last couple weeks has almost been too great to digest.

There was, first and foremost, my completion of the half-Ironman as a test run. Final times:

Swim (1.2 miles): 38 min, 10 sec
Bike (56 mile): 3 hours, 19 min, 40 sec
Run (13.1 mile): 2 hours, 27 min, 10 sec
Total time: 6 hours, 24 min

It was, for me, a very succesful test run – far better than I expected it to be. And yet, I can't help but wonder, how, in just under seven weeks, I will pull off a race at double that length. Especially as things pile up in the closing weeks.

It seems almost certain now that Heidi will lose her job. It is simply a matter of when. Buyout rumors are all of the news, and a company that made an offer (with full intent to close all stores) is already commenting publicly, for attribution, to major news media.

The onset of trying to figure out how we will deal with this wrinkle in our lives, especially amid the current economic climate, is trying. Keeping on your game face for your children - making them feel safe and giving them the love and attention they deserve – adds a certain dynamic. It is even more difficult to find time for training when your family needs you so much more than some self-indulgent race.

It has made everything harder - the fund raising, the training, the day-to-day living. Throw on top of that Brody's current illness (a fever that's been bouncing hourly, it seems, between 99.5 and 104.4) and, well, you know, my mind is all over the place.

I missed today's training; but I will get back on track tomorrow and make up the lost workouts by spreading Monday's work across the rest of the week. To make matters more interesting (worse?), I have potential jury duty on Wednesday and a dentist appointment on Friday.

Still, I know we're quite fortunate. My old employer, The Tribune, essentially closed 1/3 of its operations and cut back to publishing four days a week. They're laying off over 140 employees; some of whom I know well. All over the place here in Arizona, it's like a wrecking ball has run rampant over the economy. I went to pick up a sandwich today at this place I've been going to for years in this little strip mall about 2 miles from ASU and half the complex was empty.

This weekend, actually, we sought a respite from it all and went up to the family cabin in Pine. On Saturday, we took Beck and Brody up to a place called Barbershop Trail up on the Mogollon Rim at an elevation of about 7,900 feet. It was gray and cool - probably about 45 degrees. The kids put on heavy jackets and we walked in a beautiful canyon meadow where the maples that grow in those rare, wet Arizona places were turning a vibrant red, the aspens a golden yellow. We collected leaves and climed trees and threw rocks and sticks into a small mountain stream.

Everything slowed down. The kids stopped and picked the last remaining dandelions. Even as the leaves were changing, there were a few wild sunflowers hanging on in the throes of the end of their season. We collected leaves to place in wax paper - Brody was quick to pick up on this sport - we touched lamb's ear (a type of velvety, leafy plant) and looked for bugs.

And then, just as the first sprinkles started to fall, we climbed out of the canyon, children on our back. On the ride back to the cabin, it rained- hard. We stopped at a little diner nestled into a lush green meadow and found every table full with fathers, grandfathers and sons dressed head-to-toe in camo, taking a lunch break and a break from the weather. With no tables left, we drove further down the road and took refuge in a mountain lodge. We ate hamburgers, and french fries. The kids had chicken nuggets and chocolate milk. And then we returned to the cabin - heavy itself in the rain of the afternoon - where we drank Sierra Nevada and forgot about everything else outside.

The next morning, we hiked again, into more canyons at the base of the Mogollon Rim, where scrub oak was turning yellow and the walls were seeped with yesterday's rain. It was all very beautiful and relaxing ... until Brody puked yogurt on the way home, signaling the onset of the first sickness of the fall.

I can't say what tomorrow will bring. We're waiting some big annoucement now. Waiting to see where the chips will fall. Waiting to hear the finality of Heidi's situation.

I can tell you one thing, though. All of this, the Ironman, it's been a positive. It's been the right thing at the right time. A great accomplishment, a great goal to have, in a time where I so easily could have gotten lost in the spiral of discouraging news.

With love,
Ed

More or Less ...

Post 38

Weeks of training complete: 24 weeks, 2 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 7 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 103.551

Miles biked: 1,695.96

Miles run: 409.58

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

I can't shake the exhaustion of the last few days. A few weeks ago, I wrote about chronic dehydration, now I have chronic exhaustion. I am so tired by 8:30, it's hard for me to keep my eyes open. And it's hard for me to get up in the morning. My left foot is killing me; my tendons in my right arm hurt - and after the Half Ironman I'm doing on Friday, I have the four most grueling weeks of training ahead of me.

I need a mountain retreat soon - to get out of this neverending heat. This is about the time that people that live in the Valley start to get angry. For most of the summer, we accept our fate. But when these obnoxious high pressure systems stall over the desert and bring multiple consecutive 100+ degree days into October - which happens every year - we just (pardon the French) start to lose our shit. I mean - enough is enough already, okay?

The air condition still beats well into the night, trying to keep us cool ... It's 8:59 p.m. and it's still 92 outside! 92! Geez ... I want to go fire a handgun in the air at nature. Make her pay.

I get the sense a lot of people wear down about this point in the Ironman training. It's very hard to keep your commitments to your family, your job - and then throw all this external chaos from the news and everything else going on - and well, it's a lot. Work, travel and training consume 13 of the 16 hours I'm awake right now. That doesn't leave time for much else.

Add the fundraising, blog requirements, party planning, play time with kids, chores ... well, you can see how the old 5 pounds into a 2 pound bag sceanrio is really at play.

But it'll be over soon ... 7 weeks, 5 days ... the end is almost near and yet, still pretty far away.

- Ed

A Quick Note ...

Post 37
Weeks of training complete: 24 weeks, 1 day
Time until Ironman: 7 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 103.551
Miles biked: 1,683.46
Miles run: 406.98

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

Hello everybody. It's late. I'm tired. And I've just finished a long swim and run. Very tired, but just wanted to check in with some updated totals and to share that the bocce charity party was a great success. We've actually passed $2,440, but I don't know the exact total yet - I still have to tally receipts and payments from the party.

I promise to post more tomorrow. I'm going to rest and have cookies.

Good night,
Ed

Just Little Old Friendly Old Me

Post 36

Weeks of training complete: 23 weeks, 3 days

Time until Ironman: 8 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 99.061

Miles biked: 1,610.96

Miles run: 393.08

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $1,615

"A television war between the cynics and the saints. Flip the dial and that's whose side you're on." – 'Falling Down,' Goo Goo Dolls

I'll be brief today. I watched the Bush speech. I talked much about the economy. But I am drained from yesterday's catharsis. That was a soul and mind spilling of epic proportions. It carried into my sleep last night – a broken, ugly mess highlighted by a dream involving me being captured and interned in a makeshift Chinese prison, buried in a converted warehouse.

So, tonight, I'll tell you simply about what I've been thinking about. Those lyrics up above - yes, I quoted a Goo Goo Dolls song, an old one, no doubt, but a Goo Goo Dolls lyric nonetheless – kind of struck me last night. I tried to wrap myself up in a cocoon of the past. I listed to music that I liked when I was in high school and tried to fall back into a place where my biggest worry was whether or not I got invited to some party or whether I ever, really, would have a shot with Erin.

Ultimately, though, it wasn't the carefree music that brought me the sensation of safety. The real blanket came when I thought about my friends. The people I can turn to, that love me, that listen to me, that I think about. The people that are coming to the tournament on Saturday. The many people that offered to volunteer and buy supplies and bake cupcakes and watch the kids all on top of making donations. I became aware of the big-ass cloud of love wrapped around my ass. And damn, it felt good to acknowledge it. To let it hug me for one second - and then a few minutes - before I refocused on the many tasks at hand.

I have made a vow to always be aware of that cloud, of its presence ... whatever that means. I mean, I think I know what it means: always be greatful for your friends, always being there for them, but them and your family first ... things like that.

I ended last night - before the nightmares, anyway - feeling blessed and loved. I lay in bed knowing I could rattle off the names of many people whom I know care for me, and whom I care for very deeply, as well.

It reminded me that I am richer than any financial bailout could ever make me.

- Ed

You Play, You Pay ...

Post 35

Weeks of training complete: 23 weeks, 2 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 8 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 96.816

Miles biked: 1,578.91

Miles run: 393.08

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $1,615

"The time has come to save capitalism from the capitalists." – Luigi Zingales, Robert C. McCormmach Professor of Entrepreneurship and Finance, University of Chicago

I have tried to stay out of politics on this blog, but the financial and economic situation has been weighing on my mind and the minds of lots of other people. Every weekday this week, and most of the weekdays last week, I have learned of another person who has lost their job. Every day it seems, I hear some other tale from some other person, or perceived or real woes within their own business, or their companies.

For those of you who feel the need to ignore the realities, please feel free to say (with a mocking voice, of course): "What recession? People are still driving cars. I still see people buying stuff." Let me say in advance, thank you for those astute observations.

And then, let me tell you this: When the federal government's leaders are attempting in a single week to take the US financial system and turn it from something akin to the Wild West into something that reeks of the kind of nepotistic socialism favoried by the cronies of the old Soviet Union, something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

And for those of you who wish to stick your head in the sand - and declare (in the mocking voice, of course) that there is no recession, well, I'm sure the feds and the banking industry would like to tell you: "Thank you very much." They're quite happy to take their $2,300 from every man, woman and child in the US under the Paulson (that's Treasury Secreatry Henry Paulson) Plan and go on their way – nice, fat and profitable, these people who have put us all in grave danger.

The titans of Wall Street – let's face it, they are an evil, evil, ruthless bunch. In the past 15 years, they have found new and ever more ruthless ways to make money. Look at the carnage you can directly or indirectly tie to these people: there's Enron, Adelphia and the tech stock crashes; there was the massive run-up in the price of electricity as a result of the degregulation of the energy market (and the destruction of numerous power companies and their pensioned workers that resulted), there was the housing boom and bust, the massive run up in commodity prices and now this. Each one of these crisis – as the facts always show months or years down the road – was created, exacerbated, and manipulated for disgusting levels of profit only ultimately to result in the screwing over of millions of regular people just like you and me.

It's a disgusting abuse of power, ignored and allowed because the very people who manipulated these markets are close friends of the people who run our country. These people dine with Senators, Congressmen and Treasury Secretaries. Hell, many treasury secretaries are these people. Paulson, a Goldman Sachs alum, is a case in point.

So, why then, why, are we so ready to bail these people out?

Well, to put it quite simply – they have lobbyists up and down Capitol Hill – and they've asked Congress to do it. The banks, the financial institutions want this, because it's the easiest thing for them. Imagine you went on a $250,000 shopping spree and the bills came due. If you're choices were: a) have mom and dad pay it or b) sell the rest of what you owned and work out a debt payment plan based on garnished future earnings, which would use choose? I'd choose "a" and that's basically the way the Wall Streets are looking at.

The Paulson plan strikes me as incredibly dangerous and even though Congressional leaders are questioning it, they're questioning it for the wrong reasons. They want "middle class" relief, too. Essentially they want to spend even MORE money on this plan! Money they don't have! The American political leadership are like the worst examples of the $30,000 millionaire. This group loves to throw money at everything. They show no responsibility.

They also love scare tactics. All yesterday, Paulson ranted and raved on Capitol Hill about impending doom and recession if immediate action wasn't taken to bail (read: help his friends)these troubled financial institutions out.

We all need to step back and think about this. These scare tactics - these sweeping reforms in times of impending crisis - have been a benchmark of the Bush administration; think the Patriot Act after 9/11; the case for the Iraq War (weapons of mass destruction, anyone?), and now the Paulson bailout.

I don't buy Paulson's schtick, anymore. I knew Paulson was full of it the day I heard him proclaim that the run up in oil prices had nothing to do with market speculators. There are few people who follow the commodities market who buy that argument anymore. Paulson said that because he had friends to protect and an agenda to push - the expansion of drilling rights. The run up in oil prices was due totally to speculators; they were speculating there were problems in the stock market and they were looking for safe havens for their money. That's not a bad thing. That's speculation.

There is an interesting article here from which my opening quote is taken from. Read it if you have the time. Try to understand what is happening here.

Your life is about to change in ways you can't fathom if things continue to slip. The idea of credit the way you though of credit is about to change. The less educated are about to be marginalized. Those who made bad credit decisions are about to be pushed out of the system in a way they could never have expected 10 years ago – and maybe in a later blog I'll try to explain why. Basically, you're about to be looked at and analyzed as a risk every time you ask for money – for a car, for a student loan, for a credit card, for a mortgage, to rent an apartment. Heck, for a student loan, everything will be looked, including the major you want to go into it. The days of the $35,000 loan for the starving art student are gone, baby, gone, especially if that art student was a C student. Too much risk in that puppy.

We're not very good at accepting consequences, but we need to accept the consequences here of the lifestyle, the freewheeling debt-fueled frenzy we engaged in. The companies need to suffer, to take their losses, to go through expedited bankruptcy procedures, to flush the bad debt from the system and start over. It will be tough, but I suspect Paulson's plan could be worse.

We should not be made to pay for this mess. We'll be paying for years - and while I suspect the short-term benefits of this plan are better; the long-term effects of Paulson's plan seem much worse the way I see them. This is something we will pay for for decades. It will cost more than Social Security in 2009! Wasn't Social Security the item that was going to bankrupt the government?

I fear his plan will wreck the dollar, fueling a nasty cycle where the price of commodities explodes. The exploding price of everything – gas, food, clothes – coupled with increasing layoffs will only make things harder, fueling an ever more vicious cycle.

It is said that many of the banks in need of a bail out – particularly Lehman – have more assets than they do liabilities. Why are we bailing them out? Why are we letting this government decide our future? They've made enough mistakes as it is. Even though it will be painful, I would urge our leaders to give some careful thought to what they are about to do and for once, do what is right and kick the lobbyists and financial execs out of the hall and go do their own research, seek out independent expperts and try to craft and thoughtful comprehensive plan that will work.

Like I said, I'm afraid. I'm watching all this go down and thinking: doesn't anybody in Washington have a clue – Democratic or Republican? Where are the real leaders when we need them? Why, in a time when we're on the verge of a major crisis, are the peope in charge still driven by greed and self interests?

God save us all ...

- Ed

It All Seemed Uphill ...

Post: 34
Weeks of training complete: 23 weeks, 1 day
Time remaining until Ironman: 8 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 96.816
Miles biked: 1,566.74
Miles run: 391.95

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $1,615

First off – there's less than 9 weeks left. It's actually becoming a reality, this insane race. And every now and then, the excitement builds inside me ... I get this explosion of joy: "I'm gonna' do it! I'm gonna' do it!"

And then, I actually have to go do it.

Here's a look at my training schedule for the week:

Today: Swim 2.245 miles (1 hr, 30 min); Run 6.5 (1 hour, 15 min) – Total: 2 hour, 45 min
Tuesday: Bike 12 miles (45 min); Run 3.0 (30 min) – Total: 1 hour, 15 min
Wednesday: Swim 2.245 miles (1 hour, 30 min); Bike 24 miles (1 hour, 30 min) – Total: 3 hours
Thursday: Swim 2.245 miles (1 hour, 30 min); Run 8.5 miles (1 hour, 30 min) – Total: 3 hours
Friday: Bike 77.5 miles (5 hours); Run 4 miles (45 min) – Total: 5 hours, 45 minutes
Saturday: Bike 12 miles (45 mins); Run 12.5 miles (2 hours) – Total: 2 hours, 45 minutes
Sunday: OFF

Week totals: Swim 6.735 miles (4 hours, 30 minutes), Bike 125.5 miles (8 hours), Run 34.5 miles (6 hours) – Total: 18 hours, 30 minutes

So, as you can see, it's getting pretty crazy. The blogs may get pretty short as we get in to this super intense training period.

The bocce tournament is all set for Saturday. We expect to raise at least $500 after proceeds, so that should be good. Best part: there's going to be a hot dog bar ... Yeah. Classy.

Today, everything seemed as if I was going uphill. Roads I've normally run 100 times, roads I know are flat. The just seemed to go up. My eyes played tricks on me. My legs felt sore and heavy. But I made it through another day.

It's pretty interesting that my fears about the economic markets materialized in a single day – the value of the dollar fell, oil soared $16/bbl as investors sought a safe haven. We're in a dangerous time now; a return to soaring commodity prices coupled with rising unemployment could have a very bad cyclical effect ... Let's hope the Fed's plan, as it comes to fruition, is one people can get behind ...

Sorry to bore you with that.

I'm trying to think of what else happened ... Sunday was pretty uneventful. I mowed the low; bought the wine for the party, built the tournament bracket; relaxed on the couch - which, by the way, is what I'm going to do now. It's 9:30 p.m. I need to go spend some time with the wife.

Best,
Ed