Sorry for the Delay

Post 44

Weeks of training complete: 28 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 3 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 120.171

Miles biked: 2,166.57

Miles run: 517.41

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

It's been so long since I posted, I just wanted to get something to all y'all.

We're okay. Heidi is adjusting to staying at home with the kids. She has leads on a couple potential jobs.

I've been working through these - the most grueling weeks of training - with mixed results. My body has clearly reached its threshhold. It has told me repeatedly it is nearing its limits. I recover only to be setback badly by a pretty standard workout. That's just the way it's been.

I twisted my ankle during my long run - pretty bad. I've had to take some days off. Just to let it heal. The veins are big and bulgy and angry. It hurts when I sleep. It hurts when I sit.

I think my body has just reached the end. I'm ready. It's time to go into rest and recovery mode. One more big ride. And then it's time to let everything heal. Time to get ready by resting.

I have to follow my course of action. I know this.

Hard core endurance athletes are similar to drug users. Only the very, very, very experienced ones are capable of offering you any useful advice. The rest of them are like me - gluttons for punishment and extreme behavior wrapped up in their own personal journey.

My friend Eric - whom I really admire more and more with each passing day for his insane commitment to this art - introduced me to a web forum on whether or not Ironmen who finished over a certain time were, more or less, worthwhile. It's an absurd argument. You literally have guys suggesting that somebody who finishes an Ironman in 16 or 17 hours is somehow a worthless piece of $h!t because, seriously, in their own words "any one can do it."

Yes, a-holes work their way into any sport.

And, as I said to Eric, I imagine most people who have trained for an Ironman have to l with similar things that we have - families who need or attention, injury, personal loss, job loss, economic troubles, death, accidents ... god who knows what people live through through this eight or nine month commitment to train for an event like this.

Sorry to bring this issue into this very brief posting ... I just want you to know we're all okay. We're making do. And, most importantly, our home is filled with lots of happiness and love and laughter, just as it always is and has been.

There's so much I want to share with you. In many ways, in the past two weeks, we have slowed our lives down and discovered, I think, more of each other - Heidi and I, and Heidi and I and the kids. It's been nice.

We are blessed.

And Ironman is three weeks and four days away.

And mark my words, people, I'm gonna' finish that mofo.

I know it.

Love,

Ed

And Just Who, Again, Are You?

Post 43
Weeks of training complete: 27 weeks, 2 days
Time until Ironman: 4 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 115.953
Miles biked: 2,028.07
Miles run: 489.2

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

There are many days - hell, many moments within these seemingly endless streak of endless days – where I stop and say: Who are you? Who or what is this shell I inhabit? Who, or what, is running this ship? And where is it that we're going, yet again, at 5 a.m. or 9 p.m., when the children are asleep and my wife is home, alone, again – pondering her own constant disassembly and reassembly of her inner self?

If you had told me at the start of the Ironman that nearly 28 weeks into training, I would have less sense of who I was than the day I started, there's no way I would have believed you.

I have been many things in life. I have been a trusted friend, a notorious partier, a hard worker, a great lover of people and things and life, but I have never met, never knew, this Ed. This Ed who thinks that 2 miles of swimming, 25 miles of biking and 9 miles of running on a Tuesday evening/afternoon just isn't enough. "You're going to fail, Ed. You're going to let people down, Ed. You need to train faster, harder, longer, more. Why do they have a taper period? Maybe you should just train hard until race day. Make sure you're ready."

But it's more than that. It's something beyond the training. It's the reality that I don't know what I will do with myself when this is all over. What would you do if someone handed you 25 hours a week of your life back - and you were still gainfully employed? What did I do before this? What did I do with that time?

Maybe I should set the backdrop for this deep level of pondering ...

Heidi lost her job last week. I guess we found out on Thursday. Her last day will be this Friday. Heidi already has good leads on several job opportunities - and that is a real positive. But we have to plan for the worst and this, of course, means doing some of the things I'm previously mentioned, like considering selling the house. It also means cutting back on all the "luxuries" – the daily paper, the gym membership, cable, beer.

I don't believe that Heidi and I have ever lost a job. And so we're learning about how much our jobs identify us; how much they become a part of the persona we create for ourselves in our mind. When you lose a job, you lose a part of yourself. And now, of course, where there was stability, there is a great sense of uncertainty.

Heidi and I are smart; and we both know that we'll work through this whole thing like we always do - as a team. But there have already been a few small spats over money. And that is something we've been very fortunate to have avoided through most of our 12 years together.

In fact, it seems, that in this crazy year that 2008 has become, the only constant in my life is this Ironman. Swimming, biking, running - through heat and cold, through good news and bad news, through sick kids and happy kids, through family fights and make-ups, through Barack and McCain and Palin and Biden, through stimulus packages, soaring Dows, and sinking Nasdaqs, there has been just me and the water, and the road, and the pavement, and lots and lots and lots of miles.

That's a lot of hours of solitude, a lot of hours with just me talking to me, trying to make sense of a lot of things that don't make much sense.

Maybe the reason I can't quite identify with myself is because I've never spent this much time with myself - at least as an adult.

What I am learning? That I am confused? Sure. That I am scared ... a lot? Yes. That I love my family and my children; that without them I would feel like an empty hole? Yup, I think that's why I'm scared. That I need my friends? Yeah, somehow they seem more important than ever ...

The difference, I guess, is these feelings are all very raw right now. They're no longer packaged up in the right places - ready to be opened up for the proper causes: birthday cards, drunken holiday parties ... Nah, they're there, right there. Right on the surface. For everyone to know and see.

Here I am. Weak. Blemished. Like the skin.

Maybe that's what this year is all about for me. I have been broken down. The imagined might of my family (we're smart, invincible, we'll survive any crisis) has been broken down; my body has been broken down by the constant pounding of the pavement; my mind broken down by the monotony of another endless day of laps and miles and by the challenges of every day life.

You think this is a negative? You think I feel bad about this?

Quite the contrary.

And that is either the strangest – or the most logical – feeling of all.

Peace and love,
Ed

Keep on Moving ...

Post 42
Weeks of training complete: 26 weeks, 3 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 113.955
Miles biked: 1,926.62
Miles run: 461.77

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

The Dow dropped 7.7 percent today. I sprung for some good beer - Newcastle and Sierra Nevada. And I paid full price - at a convienience store. Call it an act of economic rebellion. Recessionary pressures, be damned. I'm goin' out and droppin' $16 on two six-packs. Take that you silly old 1.2 percent drop in consumer spending.

And, I'm drinkin' them like a 2006 American hell bent on spending 101.6 percent of their income, ensuring that their net savings is -1.6 percent.

I'm kickin' it old school today and there's nothing Suze Orman and her practical "have eight months of income saved" mantra can do about it.

The only thing I'm missing is an H2 Hummer, a $750 pair of jeans and a $12 martini. Alas, we can't have everything.

Today I biked. Today I swam. Today I played video games while I biked. I'm stuck with the 2005 version of ESPN 2K football, so instead of just being bad, the Cardinals really suck in that game. I played New England today and 40 percent of my passes were intercepted. It's kind of hard to win that way.

I'm actually starting to get back on track with most aspects of my life. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed - pretty amazing considering I'm right in the middle of the most intense training period of the Ironman race prep. This week, I'll work out 20 hours, next week 20 hours, 30 minutes and the following week 21 hours. Then, the taper down begins.

I'll be so glad when this race is over. What will it be like to have 20 hours of free time returned to me life?

I'm gonna' feel like a rich man ... far richer than two $8 six-packs will make a man feel.

- Ed

Mind the Gap

Post 41
Weeks of training complete: 26 weeks, 2 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 5 weeks, 5 days

Miles swam: 111.957
Miles biked: 1,904.06
Miles run: 461.77

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

There's not a lot new to report from the home front. As you can tell by the totals, the training sessions have been long and furious.

After some intense workouts to start the weekend, I spent some very nice low-key time with the family. The temps have been in the 70s for highs the past few days and into the high 40s at night - a very, very welcome respite.

On Saturday, Beck, Heidi, Brody and I went to Dreamy Draw - a mountain preserve in north-central Phoenix and went for a hike. We played with rocks, went into a tunnel and basically just enjoyed a beautiful fall day in the desert. Beck and I also went to Gameworks.

On Sunday, we spent the afternoon with my sister. During the day, we worked on getting together stuff for our Halloween costumes. I know what I'm going to be - and it's awesome.

I'm gonna leave it at that, so I can go relax now. Enjoy the video up above. It was from our trip up north a couple weeks ago.

Cheers,
Ed

Turning the Corner

Post 40
Weeks of training complete: 25 weeks, 4 days
Time remaining until Ironman: 6 weeks, 3 days

Miles swam: 109.962
Miles biked: 1,798.84
Miles run: 434.8

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

Tonight, something happened. You hear a lot of athletes talk about digging deeper, about finding that special spot somewhere within them, when they need that extra push, when they're driving for the finish line; when the score is tied 17-17 in the overtime session of a playoff game, somewhere from deep within they are moved to excel. It is a move that defies the logic of bodily chemistry, of nutrition, of what should be humanly possible. I'm beginning to understand that.

Tonight, I dug deep. And I found something, a few things actually. And in the process, I believe, I've turned that final corner. As the annoucner in the Kentucky Derby would say: " ... and down the stretch they come!"

This week, obviously, has been one filled with challenges. Brody's sickness, high fever and constant painful moaning lasted four days and did not abate until yesterday evening (she is fine now); Heidi survived another round of layoffs (this time 40 percent of the coporate workforce). We were busy, tired, kept up the baby, fearful of our future and trying, trying to keep it all together – with work, with home, with life.

This time, I drew on my experience of all the other tough times we had had. Keep as positive as you can; keep as kind as you can, and whatever you do ... keep making the right decisions. This was my mantra - as my friend Eric would say.

So no matter what it took, I stuck to my workout. Tuesday, after all the kids were bed and the chores caught up, I biked and ran, finishing around 10 p.m.; Wednesday, I biked 22.5 miles in the trainer, sitting upright, rocking Brody back and forth in the stroller with my left arm; then swam late night at Tempe's Kiwanis Rec Center; today, I swam after work and ran from 8 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. It was during that run that I realized the reward of these decisions to do the right thing.

The clouds in my mind broke, and suddently I could see what this was all about, this Ironman: it's about elevating yourself to new levels; realizing that the limitations you perceive are mostly limitations set by you. It's about learning just how much potential we have.

My buddy Eric, who has completed one of these is much more sage in his advice. He's been through the roller coaster ride of the rookie. I imagine his journey this time is different than the first.

I've also decided to let go on the media cycle for a while. I'll pay attention, I don't do full blackouts, but worrying every day about what the Wall Street freak shows are going to do is counterproductive right now. These people are out of their minds and as the Dow continues to sink, it's become clear that the selling has nothing to do with the strength of the companies being sold anymore. Like I say, for how small traders are supposed to be, they sure behave in a herd mentality. Sanity will return, because at some point these fools will realize they sold too low. But that's neither here nor there. I cannot control the economy as a whole; only the economies of my family and my company within the current reality. So, I'll focus on that.

Thank you to all of you who wrote in the last couple days to offer support. It made a big difference.

Best,
Ed

The Beginning of the Beginning

Post 39
Weeks of training complete: 25 weeks, 1 day
Time until Ironman: 6 weeks, 6 days

Miles swam: 105.986
Miles biked: 1,763.96
Miles run: 422.68

Goal: $5,000
Total raised: $2,440

I know that it has been a long time since I've written in any great detail. The scope of events that has taken place in the last couple weeks has almost been too great to digest.

There was, first and foremost, my completion of the half-Ironman as a test run. Final times:

Swim (1.2 miles): 38 min, 10 sec
Bike (56 mile): 3 hours, 19 min, 40 sec
Run (13.1 mile): 2 hours, 27 min, 10 sec
Total time: 6 hours, 24 min

It was, for me, a very succesful test run – far better than I expected it to be. And yet, I can't help but wonder, how, in just under seven weeks, I will pull off a race at double that length. Especially as things pile up in the closing weeks.

It seems almost certain now that Heidi will lose her job. It is simply a matter of when. Buyout rumors are all of the news, and a company that made an offer (with full intent to close all stores) is already commenting publicly, for attribution, to major news media.

The onset of trying to figure out how we will deal with this wrinkle in our lives, especially amid the current economic climate, is trying. Keeping on your game face for your children - making them feel safe and giving them the love and attention they deserve – adds a certain dynamic. It is even more difficult to find time for training when your family needs you so much more than some self-indulgent race.

It has made everything harder - the fund raising, the training, the day-to-day living. Throw on top of that Brody's current illness (a fever that's been bouncing hourly, it seems, between 99.5 and 104.4) and, well, you know, my mind is all over the place.

I missed today's training; but I will get back on track tomorrow and make up the lost workouts by spreading Monday's work across the rest of the week. To make matters more interesting (worse?), I have potential jury duty on Wednesday and a dentist appointment on Friday.

Still, I know we're quite fortunate. My old employer, The Tribune, essentially closed 1/3 of its operations and cut back to publishing four days a week. They're laying off over 140 employees; some of whom I know well. All over the place here in Arizona, it's like a wrecking ball has run rampant over the economy. I went to pick up a sandwich today at this place I've been going to for years in this little strip mall about 2 miles from ASU and half the complex was empty.

This weekend, actually, we sought a respite from it all and went up to the family cabin in Pine. On Saturday, we took Beck and Brody up to a place called Barbershop Trail up on the Mogollon Rim at an elevation of about 7,900 feet. It was gray and cool - probably about 45 degrees. The kids put on heavy jackets and we walked in a beautiful canyon meadow where the maples that grow in those rare, wet Arizona places were turning a vibrant red, the aspens a golden yellow. We collected leaves and climed trees and threw rocks and sticks into a small mountain stream.

Everything slowed down. The kids stopped and picked the last remaining dandelions. Even as the leaves were changing, there were a few wild sunflowers hanging on in the throes of the end of their season. We collected leaves to place in wax paper - Brody was quick to pick up on this sport - we touched lamb's ear (a type of velvety, leafy plant) and looked for bugs.

And then, just as the first sprinkles started to fall, we climbed out of the canyon, children on our back. On the ride back to the cabin, it rained- hard. We stopped at a little diner nestled into a lush green meadow and found every table full with fathers, grandfathers and sons dressed head-to-toe in camo, taking a lunch break and a break from the weather. With no tables left, we drove further down the road and took refuge in a mountain lodge. We ate hamburgers, and french fries. The kids had chicken nuggets and chocolate milk. And then we returned to the cabin - heavy itself in the rain of the afternoon - where we drank Sierra Nevada and forgot about everything else outside.

The next morning, we hiked again, into more canyons at the base of the Mogollon Rim, where scrub oak was turning yellow and the walls were seeped with yesterday's rain. It was all very beautiful and relaxing ... until Brody puked yogurt on the way home, signaling the onset of the first sickness of the fall.

I can't say what tomorrow will bring. We're waiting some big annoucement now. Waiting to see where the chips will fall. Waiting to hear the finality of Heidi's situation.

I can tell you one thing, though. All of this, the Ironman, it's been a positive. It's been the right thing at the right time. A great accomplishment, a great goal to have, in a time where I so easily could have gotten lost in the spiral of discouraging news.

With love,
Ed