Just Little Old Friendly Old Me

Post 36

Weeks of training complete: 23 weeks, 3 days

Time until Ironman: 8 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 99.061

Miles biked: 1,610.96

Miles run: 393.08

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $1,615

"A television war between the cynics and the saints. Flip the dial and that's whose side you're on." – 'Falling Down,' Goo Goo Dolls

I'll be brief today. I watched the Bush speech. I talked much about the economy. But I am drained from yesterday's catharsis. That was a soul and mind spilling of epic proportions. It carried into my sleep last night – a broken, ugly mess highlighted by a dream involving me being captured and interned in a makeshift Chinese prison, buried in a converted warehouse.

So, tonight, I'll tell you simply about what I've been thinking about. Those lyrics up above - yes, I quoted a Goo Goo Dolls song, an old one, no doubt, but a Goo Goo Dolls lyric nonetheless – kind of struck me last night. I tried to wrap myself up in a cocoon of the past. I listed to music that I liked when I was in high school and tried to fall back into a place where my biggest worry was whether or not I got invited to some party or whether I ever, really, would have a shot with Erin.

Ultimately, though, it wasn't the carefree music that brought me the sensation of safety. The real blanket came when I thought about my friends. The people I can turn to, that love me, that listen to me, that I think about. The people that are coming to the tournament on Saturday. The many people that offered to volunteer and buy supplies and bake cupcakes and watch the kids all on top of making donations. I became aware of the big-ass cloud of love wrapped around my ass. And damn, it felt good to acknowledge it. To let it hug me for one second - and then a few minutes - before I refocused on the many tasks at hand.

I have made a vow to always be aware of that cloud, of its presence ... whatever that means. I mean, I think I know what it means: always be greatful for your friends, always being there for them, but them and your family first ... things like that.

I ended last night - before the nightmares, anyway - feeling blessed and loved. I lay in bed knowing I could rattle off the names of many people whom I know care for me, and whom I care for very deeply, as well.

It reminded me that I am richer than any financial bailout could ever make me.

- Ed