The Late Night Ramble About Which Mom Will Call Sometime Tomorrow and say, "Geez, Ed, Nice. That Was Depressing. I Don't Want to Read That."

Post: 46

Weeks of training complete: 30 weeks, 3 days

Time remaining until Ironman: 2 weeks, 4 days

Miles swam: 124.451

Miles biked: 2,267.67

Miles run: 543.91

Goal: $5,000

Total raised: $2,440

I've tried, numerous times over the last couple weeks and months, to make sense of the times we live in.

I understand this much: it is impossible to understand the moment you're living in while you're living in it.

There are things we recognize as important: last night's election; those horrible couple weeks on the stock market; or an event like the one coming up in less than 3 weeks for me – events and moments we tell ourselves we must remember, because they are important, because they will define our lives in some very important way.

But just because we know individual moments or days are important, we still don't know what they mean.

The latter half of 2008 has been such a bizarre, chaotic time. The highs are very high; the lows very low. It's like the world is in a very unstable cosmic shift and it's debating which end of the equilibrium to end itself on.

If that sounds too abstract, let me spell it out. My family's life mirrors the stuff you hear on the radio. The job loss; the fear about making the mortgage; the financial stress; the job search; the looming sense of uncertainty; the anger about the financial industry; the bailout; the hope that better days are ahead, but the fear that it will get much, much worse before it gets better.

But there's just no way to know.

Because we have no spending cash, Heidi and I sit at home each night and try to talk our way through this new reality, wondering what it all means for us, our family, our aching desire to stay in this place which feels like home in our the deepest part of our guts.

But there's just no way to know.

I try to think back to the way I felt after the 9/11 attacks. I remember the fear; the uncertainty. And I know we made it through that.

And I know we'll make it through this.

But what's happening now is slow, and painful, and very, very drawn out. There is no line in the sand marked "bottom," there is no clear turn-around point ... just a lot of uncertainty.

Older readers may laugh, but my generation has never really faced as silent of killer as the "deep recession." So naturally, we - and therefore, I - know not what to make of it all.

So forgive me if I seem melodramatic. All I've know are opportunities everywhere. And now the world I know is people with college degrees applying for bus driver jobs.

Talk about a quick shift in the course of 12 months.

- Ed